Waiting...

As I begin my final semester of college, I'm suddenly made aware of the fact that I have some huge, life-altering decisions to make within the next few months. It's overwhelming, really, and part of me can't believe I have made it this far. I guess as a kid, and even throughout high school, I had certain expectations for myself post-college. And the majority of my "dreams" have yet to come to fruition, which is fine, but it leaves me feeling a little bit discouraged at times. Although is exciting to know that the LORD has plans for me, and I get to be a part of His purposes and His kingdom... I struggle with letting go of MY agenda, MY hopes, MY comfort.

I made God a promise not too long ago that if He would pull some strings for such-and-such in my life, I'd be willing to wait as many as ten years for it to happen.


Word to the wise: Don't do that.

....Ever.

(Unless you're prepared for the longest ten years OF YOUR LIFE.)

Ha. I don't know if I didn't expect His answer to be "yes", or I didn't plan on getting the opportunity to prove my commitment, or maybe I just didn't expect Him to take me seriously (I wouldn't have). But I am starting to wonder if *maybe*... just MAYBE... I spoke too soon. Because here it is, my turn to hold up my end of the deal, and I am a HECK of a lot less patient than I realized. He's teaching me what it really means to WAIT on Him, to trust that He knows my needs and my future better than I ever will. It's a hard lesson - a lesson I've been needing to learn for quite some time - but a difficult one nonetheless.

And in the midst of my impatience - despite the fact that I fight for what I want, and then I fight again when things aren't EXACTLY how I want them to be - in the midst of all this. He is still good, and He is still God.

So I wait.

There's a song that I sang for church in high school called "I Will Listen". The second verse says:

"This is the faith, patience to wait when there is nothing clear
Nothing to see, still we believe Jesus is very near
I can not imagine what will come, but I've already made my choice
And this is where I stand until He moves me on
And I will listen to His voice"

In all of this, I am again reminded that His best is worth the wait. In the past, I have tried to make things happen according to my plans and dreams, and it's ended with nothing but disaster. I am willing to wait on Him this time. :)

"I wait for the LORD, my soul does wait, and in His word I do hope" - Ps. 130:5