"Better the storm with Christ than smooth waters without Him" - Macduff
God did some truly phenomenal things this past week at Next Level Camp, both in my heart, and in the hearts of my girls. I was blown away by how He was able to take lessons from my life and use them to speak His love to my group of eleven-year-old girls.
One thing I have discovered very recently is that no matter how hard I try, or how well I convince myself of my own wisdom, I will NEVER come close to completely understanding God. Just when I think I have figured out all of the why's and why not's...just when I think I understand the reasons He allows trials, or changes my plans, or disciplines me...I am once again caught off guard when He doesn't fit into the box I've created for Him in my mind. Just when I think I've mastered the art of true faith and surrender - when I believe I have finally given it ALL over to Him - something else comes up and He once again asks, "Sarah, do you trust Me?" And after all the times He has proved Himself faithful in my life, it should be the easiest answer in the world. "Yes, Lord, of course I do." But unfortunately, it isn't. I'm very attached to my "boxes". My schedules. My plans. The overall organization of my life. So when something comes along that threatens any of those, it terrifies me. I feel like the floor has fallen out from under me, like somehow God has forgotten that I exist and the entire world is progressing in life, and I'm simply lost in the chaos.
But then I am reminded:
"This is what the LORD says - the Redeemer and Holy One of Israel - to him who was despised and abhorred by the nation, to the servant of rulers: Kings will see you and rise up, princes will see and bow down, because of the LORD, who is FAITHFUL, the Holy One of Israel, who has chosen you... but Zion has said, "The LORD has forsaken me, the Lord has forgotten me". Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me."
- Isaiah 49:7, 14-16
There's an old Rich Mullins song that I absolutely love, and one of the lines simply says, "When You take me by the hand, and You love me, Lord, You love me, and I should've realized I have no reason to be frightened....I am ready for the storm." Really, when it comes down to it, nothing in life should frighten me. I should be so rooted and grounded in Christ that the storms of life and the unexpected and unexplainable disasters do not sway me. Because no matter what my emotions tell me, no matter what the rest of the world may say about the hopelessness of my circumstances - I KNOW that I have the King of Kings walking beside me - calling me His friend - never leaving me or forsaking me - hiding me in the shelter of His wings. And all that I have come to know of His goodness, His faithfulness, His character, His LOVE, should be more than enough for me to say, "Yes Lord, I trust You. Even now. Even with this."
