#7in7 and the song that came from day one

Well, it has been a ridiculously long and exhausting day – but also rewarding and encouraging. Today began #7in7, a week-long songwriters challenge of sorts. I will be joining 300+ other songwriters around the globe and committing to write one song every day for 7 days. I write music all the time, but I’ve never forced myself to stick to a deadline…so this is definitely going to stretch me musically, emotionally, spiritually. I couldn’t be more excited. I literally walked in the door today after my 10-hour workday, changed clothes, heated up some tomato soup in the microwave, and got busy writing. That was about four and a half hours ago, and I’m just now winding down. I am beat. Can barely keep my eyes open. But I’m done!

One of the conditions of this little challenge is that everyone participating must post each song online, each day. That is probably the hardest part of this whole thing for me. I am such a perfectionist and I hate to put my name on something that isn’t as close to perfect as possible. But in this case, I have no choice. That’s probably good for me too.

So friends…I introduce you to my very first #7in7 song. Please forgive any mistakes here and there (Sincerely, Perfectionista).

“When You See Me on the Water” by Sarah Colvin

http://soundcloud.com/texasarah/when-you-see-me-on-the-water

Eight Days Late...

I am always the last to be “in the know” about cool new things.  Either that or I am just the last to jump on the bandwagon (case in point: blogging), I’m not really sure. Regardless, I seem to always be one step behind the crowd.

For example: in college I desperately wanted to see Wicked, but somehow, year after year, I would learn that the show was in town after everyone else had purchased their tickets. And by then it was sold out. Frustrating.

Another example: when I went to register for benefits the first year at my company…...and discovered to my dismay that the enrollment window had ended three days before. Which meant no health insurance for Sarah. I realize this is a drastic statement…but that was almost as bad as missing Wicked.

All that to say…I realize I am way behind the game, but I figure it’s never too late to give thanks, so consider this a feeble attempt at compensation.

Nine things I am thankful for, in no particular order, one for each day of the month thus far.

1. Strong coffee. Seriously, you have no idea.

2. Big dreams. Dreams I’ve had for as long as I can remember, ones I don’t even completely understand sometimes. But they keep me looking to the future with excitement and expectation and a little bit of restlessness. I know He will open the right doors when the time comes.

3. That my feelings do not dictate reality. I am NOT alone, no matter what my emotions tell me or how convincing my circumstances seem. I am surrounded by my Savior’s love and He carries me each and every day.

4. Examples of godly men in my life. It was not until I got to college and saw more of the world that I realized how blessed I truly am. I have two grandfathers who love Jesus and adore their wives. I have a father who is completely devoted to his family and his Savior, and is one of the hardest workers I have ever known in my life. He would do anything for us, and over the years I’ve seen him sacrifice many of his personal needs and dreams for the sake of his family. And I have two brothers who are protective, loyal, thoughtful, hilarious, and not ashamed to stand up for what is right. They never cease to amaze me.

5. Honest lyrics. I love finding songs that speak to my heart and meet me right where I am. There’s a Rich Mullins song that I have fallen hopelessly in love with, one that he recorded on a tape recorder shortly before he died. My guess is it was never meant for public ears, but that’s what I love about it…it is raw and real and unorthodox. A few lines that I love:

“You who live in heaven hear the prayers of those of us who live on earth, who are afraid of being left by those we love and who get hardened by the hurt…did You ever know loneliness, did You ever know need? Do You remember just how long a night can get?

And I know you bore our sorrows and I know you feel our pain. And I know it would not hurt any less even if it could be explained. And I know that I am only lashing out at the One who loves me most. And after I figured this, somehow all I really need to know is if You who live in eternity hear the prayers of those of us who live in time. We can't see what's ahead…I can't see how You're leading me, unless You've led me here where I'm lost enough to let myself be led.”

6. A new church and new friends. It never ceases to amaze me how He always knows just what I need at each season in my life.

7. New mercies. He forgives my yesterdays and gives me a clean slate…and I wake up each day knowing I am loved completely, regardless of my past mistakes and failures.

8. Vacation days. I have two left this year and I am putting them to good use. Extended weekend in Colorado in less than a month…I couldn’t be more excited.

9. Cold fronts! Today was absolutely gorgeous. I love sunshine and I love changing seasons…I got to enjoy both of these today and it was glorious.




So there you have it, I am officially "caught up". And not a moment too soon - just 40 minutes before day 10. On that note, I am off to take advantage of one other thing I am VERY thankful for: sleep!

Momentary, Light Affliction

It is an overwhelming realization that the very same God who “keeps watch on the nations” cares deeply about MY life, my fears, my concerns, my sorrows and my joys. He is so very near when my heart is disquieted within me. Within 15 minutes of walking in my office this morning, I was already on the verge of tears, with problem after problem looming in front of me. I sought asylum in a dark room in the farthest corner of my office and poured out my heart over a cup of steaming coffee, a 30-second reprieve from the chaos of the morning and the stress I knew awaited me at my desk. And for that moment it was just me and my Savior. I began reading Psalm 66, hoping – believing – that He would speak to my heart and give me words that I needed just for that moment. And this is what I read: “Come and see what God has done: he is awesome in His deeds toward the children of man. He turned the sea into dry land; they passed through the river on foot. There did we rejoice in Him, who rules by His might forever, whose eyes keep watch on the nations…” (Ps. 66:6-7a)

And it hit me. He is all-powerful. He is all-knowing. He is all-seeing. By His hand alone, nature comes alive each day. The sick are healed. The lame walk. The blind see. The dead are raised. And yet the very same God sees my tears. My tears. ME. Insignificant me. And although my momentary discouragement is of no importance in the grand scheme of things, He cares. He comes to my rescue. He holds me and whispers into the crevices of my soul and fills my heart with a peace that could only come from the Giver of all good things. I am nothing and yet my Everything sees fit to meet me right where I am. What a wonderful Savior.

2009

“It’s been a hard year, but I’m climbing out of the rubble…”

I have never been so thankful to see the end of a year approaching.

I love what January 1st symbolizes – not because it’s an opportunity to make resolutions to do things like lose weight, get in shape, eat healthier, or become a “better person” – but because to me, it is a reminder of the sweet, forever-new mercies of a Savior whose overwhelming tenderness and faithfulness I don’t deserve.

2009 has been the hardest year of my life.

         In the blink of an eye, I watched as my carefully woven and orchestrated plans fell apart. I felt the bitter sting of brokenness, and came to the sickening realization that I was completely unable to put the pieces back together.

2009 has also been the most amazing year of my life.

        I learned that true friends are the ones who will drop everything at 9:00pm on a weeknight and drive an hour to your house to “come to your rescue”. They’re the ones who will hold your hand while you cry, who will let you lay your head in their lap and will tell you that God is in control. They’re the ones who will buy you chocolate when your heart aches. (Lots and lots and lots of chocolate :-) ) They’re the ones who make you journals with verses and song lyrics and notes of encouragement for your long journey away from home. They’re the ones who open their home – and their pantry – to you for months at a time (and some will even re-paint their bedroom and give it to you!). They’re the ones who continue to pray for you, and send you text messages every day with verses reminding you of God’s goodness and faithfulness.

But most importantly, in 2009, I learned who my Jesus really is. I learned the truth in the words of the hymn that says, “Morning by morning, I wake up to find the power and comfort of God’s hand in mine.”

  

Jesus held my hand on January 24, 2009. Jesus held my hand on March 1, 2009 as I said goodbye to personal expectations for my life. Jesus is holding my hand today, the last day of 2009, as I say hello to a new year and to whatever plans HE may have for my life.

And the more I look back on this year, the more I realize…the one word that defines my year is not “pain” or “lessons” or even “healing”. It’s simply – Jesus.
It was the spirit of Jesus within my friends and family members that showered me with love in my darkest moments. It was Jesus who held me every time I fell apart. It was Jesus who listened to the things I was too scared or ashamed to admit to others. It was Jesus who reminded me that I am defined solely by HIM – not by my relationship status or my friends or my belongings or my money (or the immense lack thereof – ha!). It was Jesus who used my pain to teach me what I should have seen all along - that outside of His love, no other love really matters. It was Jesus who gave me hope, purpose, dignity. It was Jesus who defended me against the bitter darts of the enemy. It was Jesus who I looked to for comfort, and was reminded in the most beautiful of ways that HE embodies all the qualities and faithfulness and trustworthiness I expected from human “love”.

The more pain I experienced, the more I became aware His incredible power to heal. The deeper I fell into despair, the more I felt Him drawing me back into His arms. The more helpless I became, the more He fought for me. The more unloved I felt, the more I heard Him singing His words of comfort over me. The more exhausted I became, the more He held me up and reminded me how to walk again. And the more I let my pain turn to anger and bitterness, the more He reminded me of all He has forgiven me of in my 23 years of life. He never left my side and He never let go of my hand. He was my cloud by day and my pillar of fire by night. 

In February of this year, my sweet friend Alyssa made me a journal – and a CD to go along with it – and wrote these lyrics on the inside cover, “I will sing of Your mercy that leads me through valleys of sorrow to rivers of joy.” And two months later, on Easter Sunday, my Uncle B said, “When things seem to be at the most hopeless, God is working in ways that we cannot see…He works in the secret places that we don’t see or expect. What seems like the end may very well be God’s beginning.” It has been these valleys of sorrow and rivers of joy – and the end that was really just an unconventional beginning – that have shown me the overwhelming beauty of my Savior’s devotion. Even though there were countless moments of pain, anger, confusion, despair…I can look back and say with all honesty that my heart has never been so satisfied and content as this past year, resting in the secure arms of my Jesus.

And that is why 2009 will always be to me the year I fell in love.

2009 has been my Jesus year.

"For this reason I also suffer these things, but I am not ashamed: for I know whom I have believed and I am convinced that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him until that day."

“…and in Your hands, the pain and hurt look less like scars and more like character.”

When in the process of apartment-searching...

...be sure to read the reviews.

While doing some research on a few apartment complexes in the Houston area today, I decided to check on the ratings of these particular establishments. One review in particular caught my attention.

Read on:

"These apartments it(he,she) has roaches, they killed a pregnant woman, violated other one, the maintenance, they are delayed 3 weeks, I bring(report) an electrical problem that could cause a fire, I was 4 times to the office and also call, newly they were after 3 weeks. They say that it(he,she) has safety, but I have never seen them. The people who lives here are dirty leave garbage for all divide, lately there many cats, I do not see the hour that ends the contract to go away. Not who was thinking when it(he,she) rents here maybe that it(he) was cheap but I prefer paying little mas, that to live in this place, and of ironic form they gave to me 10 discount dollars.
Also that tape-worm that to move my satellite.
I don't have a parking space, this apartments suck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!"




*ahem*


All I really want to know is what law enforcement officials plan to do about these women-killing-and-violating cockroaches!! GEEZ!!

Lessons from Camp

"Better the storm with Christ than smooth waters without Him" - Macduff

God did some truly phenomenal things this past week at Next Level Camp, both in my heart, and in the hearts of my girls. I was blown away by how He was able to take lessons from my life and use them to speak His love to my group of eleven-year-old girls.

One thing I have discovered very recently is that no matter how hard I try, or how well I convince myself of my own wisdom, I will NEVER come close to completely understanding God. Just when I think I have figured out all of the why's and why not's...just when I think I understand the reasons He allows trials, or changes my plans, or disciplines me...I am once again caught off guard when He doesn't fit into the box I've created for Him in my mind. Just when I think I've mastered the art of true faith and surrender - when I believe I have finally given it ALL over to Him - something else comes up and He once again asks, "Sarah, do you trust Me?" And after all the times He has proved Himself faithful in my life, it should be the easiest answer in the world. "Yes, Lord, of course I do." But unfortunately, it isn't. I'm very attached to my "boxes". My schedules. My plans. The overall organization of my life. So when something comes along that threatens any of those, it terrifies me. I feel like the floor has fallen out from under me, like somehow God has forgotten that I exist and the entire world is progressing in life, and I'm simply lost in the chaos.

But then I am reminded:

"This is what the LORD says - the Redeemer and Holy One of Israel - to him who was despised and abhorred by the nation, to the servant of rulers: Kings will see you and rise up, princes will see and bow down, because of the LORD, who is FAITHFUL, the Holy One of Israel, who has chosen you... but Zion has said, "The LORD has forsaken me, the Lord has forgotten me". Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me."
- Isaiah 49:7, 14-16

There's an old Rich Mullins song that I absolutely love, and one of the lines simply says, "When You take me by the hand, and You love me, Lord, You love me, and I should've realized I have no reason to be frightened....I am ready for the storm." Really, when it comes down to it, nothing in life should frighten me. I should be so rooted and grounded in Christ that the storms of life and the unexpected and unexplainable disasters do not sway me. Because no matter what my emotions tell me, no matter what the rest of the world may say about the hopelessness of my circumstances - I KNOW that I have the King of Kings walking beside me - calling me His friend - never leaving me or forsaking me - hiding me in the shelter of His wings. And all that I have come to know of His goodness, His faithfulness, His character, His LOVE, should be more than enough for me to say, "Yes Lord, I trust You. Even now. Even with this."

Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass. And he shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light, and thy judgment as the noonday.

I want to know what it means to truly delight myself in the LORD.
To be so enraptured and caught up in my adoration for Him that all else pales drastically.

It's so easy to say that I want to make His Name great, to bring Him glory...
...but what does that look like?



"Giving in to your gravity
Knowing You are holding me
I’m not afraid"